So I recently went to London for 10 days to take an intensive business course on the assessment tool, Strengthsfinder. But that’s not really what this story is about. But I need to give you some background about Strengthsfinder for context. It’s a tool that reveals your talents - what you’re naturally great at - and the idea is to develop those talents so that with practice, they become strengths. I just love that philosophy! While you need to manage your weaknesses so they don’t get in your way or in someone else’s way, you don’t want to put all your energy fixing weaknesses. You’re not likely to get masterful at something you’re not naturally gifted in. And, you’d be competing with those who are naturally gifted in that area. It just makes no sense to waste energy fixing & filling your gaps. Instead, you put your energies behind what you’re already good at, and work at becoming great.
My talents largely focus on people interaction. My number one talent theme is WOO (Winning Others Over) and it’s about being comfortable meeting new people and instantly connecting with them. That’s definitely me. And it’s also about having influence of some kind with that interaction. My DNA is all about wanting people to know they matter, which comes from another dominant theme, called Includer. So for me, my WOO moments are about wanting everyone I meet to know they matter. (You can see the themes working together, like a secret team. The idea is to understand all your dominant themes and understand how they work together, to make your efforts successful at whatever you are trying to do.)
So I have been chewing on how to develop these WOO & Includer talents while I was in London. The first occasion happened when I saw a man in his 60s, presumably homeless or at least hard on his luck, asking people for money as they came out of the Tottenham Court Road Underground (Tube) stop which was near my hotel. People passed him by and I thought, I’m not going to do that. First, to honor my son, who always stops to give money to the homeless in NYC because he is so kind-hearted. He CANNOT walk past a homeless person without giving them food or money. Second, I thought, here’s an opportunity to lean into my WOO and Includer themes (and a bunch of other themes, but never mind that right now...)
So I walked over to him and he was holding a cup. I decided I didn’t want to put money into the cup because there was just a missing dignity about that somehow. I wanted to put it into his hand instead, to make eye contact, which I did, and then, after giving him some money, the words, “You matter” just fell out of my mouth. He smiled, and I walked on my way. That really felt good. Like I was on purpose. Many years ago, I had walked by a homeless person who beseeched me to stop and for some reason, it was so painful, I didn’t. That moment has haunted me my whole life, and I suppose it always will. So in this moment, I was in part righting that wrong. I felt good about myself.
The next day, when I was coming off the same Tube stop, I was in my own world, rushing to get somewhere, and I saw this man again -- at nearly the last possible second -- as I walked by him. And I didn’t stop. I DIDN’T STOP!
“Are you kidding me?!” I asked myself incredulously, “You did this before! Years ago. It has haunted you. Go back and give this man something. Acknowledge him! Where is your WOO and Includer?!” But I kept walking. I don’t know why. And I kept thinking about it as I walked. Was it a timing thing? Did I need time to see him, for his presence to register? Did I need time to mentally prepare myself to do something contrary to my first inclination to keep walking? Did it take time to see someone, I mean, REALLY see someone - as a real person - and I just didn’t have enough time to do that? Maybe, but then why did I keep walking once the realization that he was there? Shame, I suppose. Unable to look a person in the face and look myself in the face, and acknowledge I had treated someone like they didn’t matter. All that feeling good about myself the day before was gone. Clearly I was an impostor. Or maybe I just underestimated how conscious & intentional I needed to be.
I thought about this a lot the next few days. I didn’t see that gentleman again as it happens, but I decided the experiences I had with him left me with plenty to think about. I decided to forgive myself for my failings and use the experience to be a better person going forward. I wandered around the streets of London, enjoying the architecture, the people, just everything around me, and came upon a bridge. Ironically named, I later learned, the Hungerford bridge. And on this bridge, I saw a homeless man, maybe in his 30s, dirty, sitting on his knees, holding out a cup. I was not going to walk past this one. So I approached him, and again, held the money out toward his hand, not just dropping it in the cup. I wanted that connection. He seemed slightly surprised by that, opened his hand, and I put the money in it, making sure to make a physical connection with our hands, as I believe so deeply in the power of touch, and thought he probably didn’t get to have that experience very often. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I turned to go on my way, and realized I had walked so far, that I had lost my bearings and wasn’t sure where to find the nearest Tube stop. And in that moment, I knew what I wanted to do.
I turned around, went back to this man, and said, “Excuse me, but I am completely lost. I need to get to the Tube and I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?” And the impact was astounding. His eyes lit up with a sparkly fire, he came to life before my very eyes. He was so excited to give me the directions, we were two people, on equal footing, or perhaps he had the upper hand here as the one helping me. He gave me very careful direction, yet the words flew out of his mouth like a locomotive. Like he had been waiting for someone to use him for the longest time. I returned that sparkle from my eyes and I thanked him profusely and genuinely. This was who I am. This experience, of giving this man the gift of being seen, was completely indescribable. We both mattered, we both cared about each other. Our backgrounds didn’t matter. We were simply deeply connected. And as with so many “WOO” moments, it was over in an instant. But this time, I can say with confidence the impact on us both would last a very, very long time.
Best moment in London by a landslide.
My talents largely focus on people interaction. My number one talent theme is WOO (Winning Others Over) and it’s about being comfortable meeting new people and instantly connecting with them. That’s definitely me. And it’s also about having influence of some kind with that interaction. My DNA is all about wanting people to know they matter, which comes from another dominant theme, called Includer. So for me, my WOO moments are about wanting everyone I meet to know they matter. (You can see the themes working together, like a secret team. The idea is to understand all your dominant themes and understand how they work together, to make your efforts successful at whatever you are trying to do.)
So I have been chewing on how to develop these WOO & Includer talents while I was in London. The first occasion happened when I saw a man in his 60s, presumably homeless or at least hard on his luck, asking people for money as they came out of the Tottenham Court Road Underground (Tube) stop which was near my hotel. People passed him by and I thought, I’m not going to do that. First, to honor my son, who always stops to give money to the homeless in NYC because he is so kind-hearted. He CANNOT walk past a homeless person without giving them food or money. Second, I thought, here’s an opportunity to lean into my WOO and Includer themes (and a bunch of other themes, but never mind that right now...)
So I walked over to him and he was holding a cup. I decided I didn’t want to put money into the cup because there was just a missing dignity about that somehow. I wanted to put it into his hand instead, to make eye contact, which I did, and then, after giving him some money, the words, “You matter” just fell out of my mouth. He smiled, and I walked on my way. That really felt good. Like I was on purpose. Many years ago, I had walked by a homeless person who beseeched me to stop and for some reason, it was so painful, I didn’t. That moment has haunted me my whole life, and I suppose it always will. So in this moment, I was in part righting that wrong. I felt good about myself.
The next day, when I was coming off the same Tube stop, I was in my own world, rushing to get somewhere, and I saw this man again -- at nearly the last possible second -- as I walked by him. And I didn’t stop. I DIDN’T STOP!
“Are you kidding me?!” I asked myself incredulously, “You did this before! Years ago. It has haunted you. Go back and give this man something. Acknowledge him! Where is your WOO and Includer?!” But I kept walking. I don’t know why. And I kept thinking about it as I walked. Was it a timing thing? Did I need time to see him, for his presence to register? Did I need time to mentally prepare myself to do something contrary to my first inclination to keep walking? Did it take time to see someone, I mean, REALLY see someone - as a real person - and I just didn’t have enough time to do that? Maybe, but then why did I keep walking once the realization that he was there? Shame, I suppose. Unable to look a person in the face and look myself in the face, and acknowledge I had treated someone like they didn’t matter. All that feeling good about myself the day before was gone. Clearly I was an impostor. Or maybe I just underestimated how conscious & intentional I needed to be.
I thought about this a lot the next few days. I didn’t see that gentleman again as it happens, but I decided the experiences I had with him left me with plenty to think about. I decided to forgive myself for my failings and use the experience to be a better person going forward. I wandered around the streets of London, enjoying the architecture, the people, just everything around me, and came upon a bridge. Ironically named, I later learned, the Hungerford bridge. And on this bridge, I saw a homeless man, maybe in his 30s, dirty, sitting on his knees, holding out a cup. I was not going to walk past this one. So I approached him, and again, held the money out toward his hand, not just dropping it in the cup. I wanted that connection. He seemed slightly surprised by that, opened his hand, and I put the money in it, making sure to make a physical connection with our hands, as I believe so deeply in the power of touch, and thought he probably didn’t get to have that experience very often. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I turned to go on my way, and realized I had walked so far, that I had lost my bearings and wasn’t sure where to find the nearest Tube stop. And in that moment, I knew what I wanted to do.
I turned around, went back to this man, and said, “Excuse me, but I am completely lost. I need to get to the Tube and I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?” And the impact was astounding. His eyes lit up with a sparkly fire, he came to life before my very eyes. He was so excited to give me the directions, we were two people, on equal footing, or perhaps he had the upper hand here as the one helping me. He gave me very careful direction, yet the words flew out of his mouth like a locomotive. Like he had been waiting for someone to use him for the longest time. I returned that sparkle from my eyes and I thanked him profusely and genuinely. This was who I am. This experience, of giving this man the gift of being seen, was completely indescribable. We both mattered, we both cared about each other. Our backgrounds didn’t matter. We were simply deeply connected. And as with so many “WOO” moments, it was over in an instant. But this time, I can say with confidence the impact on us both would last a very, very long time.
Best moment in London by a landslide.
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